Disclaimer: Some profanity is present because apparently I am yelling at myself in writing. Proceed accordingly.

I should be using this break to learn Linux and networking.

That is the whole complaint.

No classes right now. No assignments. No discussion posts. No deadlines. Nobody asking me to write something in APA format like a misplaced comma might trigger a federal investigation.

This should be simple.

Open the laptop. Build a lab. Practice Linux. Learn Bash. Review networking. Break something in a VM. Fix it. Take notes. Do it again.

Easy enough.

So naturally, I am in the living room wearing pajamas, laptop open, terminal up, pretending I am doing serious computer work.

The scene looks right.

Laptop open.

Terminal ready.

Face of a man about to improve himself.

Then reality shows up.

I watch YouTube documentaries and random shit.

Every now and then, just to keep the fraud alive, I run:

sudo apt update && sudo apt upgrade

There. Progress.

Look at me. Updating packages like a responsible adult. Somebody hand me a medal, preferably a small one, because that is about the size of the effort.

The terminal is open. Linux is right there. The chance to learn is right there.

And I am watching some documentary about a bridge collapse, a failed company, a missing plane, an old war, or some disaster caused by people ignoring obvious problems.

Useful? Maybe.

Linux? No.

Bash scripting? Also no.

Networking? Not even close.

And because one bad decision is apparently not enough, there is also the Instagram rabbit hole.

YouTube steals the evening. Instagram picks the pockets.

One minute I am checking one thing.

One thing.

Then suddenly I am twenty minutes deep watching a guy make noodles, a dog open a fridge, and some stranger explain how to become successful by waking up at 4 a.m.

Please.

I am in pajamas fighting for my life against a Bash tutorial. Let us not bring sunrise discipline into this.

Then there are the nights when I do not even pretend it is Linux time.

Instead, I spend hours writing stupid console games in PowerShell.

Because sure. Why learn the thing I keep saying I need to learn when I can go back to the thing I already know?

Great. You are good at PowerShell.

Hooray.

I do not need another little console project to prove I can still write loops, functions, menus, and splash screens like some discount arcade wizard. I get it. I know PowerShell. Wonderful. Put it on a cake.

Now try learning Bash.

That is the part I keep avoiding. PowerShell feels familiar. Bash makes me feel slow. PowerShell is the couch. Bash is the chair that squeaks and reminds me I still have work to do.

And that is probably the real issue.

I do not hate learning.

I hate feeling like a beginner again.

Nobody likes going from “I know what I’m doing” to “why is this syntax looking at me like that?” But that is where the work is. That is where the gap is. That is where I need to stop acting surprised.

The problem is not lack of resources.

The tutorials are there.

The docs are there.

The lab is there.

The laptop is literally open.

The problem is me, sitting there like the unpaid security guard of my own bad habits.

I care. That is why it annoys me.

If I did not care, I would call it rest and move on. But no. I sit there feeling guilty while still clicking the next video like an idiot with broadband.

And the lies are always the same.

“Just one more video.”

Garbage.

There is no one more video. There is one video, then another video, then a recommended video, then suddenly it is late and I know too much about a dam failure from 1976, but I still have not written one Bash script.

“Just a quick scroll.”

Also garbage.

There is no quick scroll. There is only the first step into the swamp. You go in to check one thing and come out later with dry eyes, low battery, and no memory of why you opened the app.

“Just a quick little PowerShell thing.”

Even worse.

There is no quick little PowerShell thing. There is one small idea, then another idea, then formatting, then a menu, then keyboard controls, then suddenly it is midnight and I have built something I did not need instead of learning the thing I said I wanted to learn.

Amazing.

Really strong work from the Department of Avoiding the Point.

The bigger problem is structure.

When classes are going, structure is already there. The syllabus tells me what to do. The deadlines push me. The assignments show up whether I like them or not.

Annoying? Yes.

Useful? Also yes.

When classes stop, I have to manage myself.

Bad news.

The manager is also the employee, and both of them are watching YouTube, scrolling Instagram, and writing PowerShell code they do not need.

So yes, I need to be honest with myself:

Fuck you, Teo. Work on this now.

Stop watching YouTube shit.

Stop scrolling Instagram.

Stop hiding in PowerShell.

Do something useful.

Not later.

Not tomorrow.

Not after this video.

Not after this reel.

Not after one more console project.

Not when the mood is right.

Now.

Open the terminal and do more than update the damn machine.

Write one Bash script.

Read one log.

Set up one service.

Practice one networking topic.

Break one thing on purpose.

Fix one thing on purpose.

Write down what happened.

That is it.

No big speech. No inspirational nonsense. No “growth journey.” I am not trying to sell a planner on Instagram.

This is just me filing a complaint against myself because I keep wasting time I said I wanted to use.

Linux will not learn itself.

Networking will not learn itself.

Bash will not magically jump into my brain because I ran sudo apt update && sudo apt upgrade, watched documentaries, scrolled Instagram, wrote another PowerShell toy, and looked busy.

So close YouTube.

Close Instagram.

Stop hiding in PowerShell.

Stop pretending.

Do the work.