Sysadmin. Network guy. GIS nerd. Database whisperer. Zoom host. Coffee runner.
You ever look at a problem and think,
“Whose job is this?”
And then realize — oh right — it’s yours.
Welcome to the chaotic, caffeine-fueled world of being a solo IT department. I don’t just wear many hats. I’m running a whole hat store.
My official job title?
Unclear. But here’s a sample list of what I actually do:
- Sysadmin – I patch servers, restart things, and stare at spinning circles with emotional damage.
- Network Engineer – Routing, switching, Wi-Fi ghosts, and blaming the firewall when I need time to think.
- GIS Tech – Yes, I can make a map. No, I don’t know why it’s upside down.
- Database Admin – “The report’s not showing?” Cool, let me just query sadness and join it with regret.
- Application Analyst – “Have you tried clearing cache?”
- Zoom Host – Need a webinar? I’ve got waiting room jokes and mute button power.
- Whatever management thinks of next – “Can you set up a digital form, analyze trends, AND clean the break room microwave?”
Solo meetings with myself (again)
“Hey, have we resolved the server issue?”
“Working on it. Also, we’re out of coffee.”
“Noted. Escalating that to… still me.”
Sometimes I talk to myself just to simulate human interaction.
Other times, I pretend to be the help desk calling the network engineer — but it’s still me, standing in a corner, arguing with a sticky note.
Mental RAM is full, please upgrade
I juggle so many roles I should list myself on LinkedIn as “Full-Stack Chaos Engineer.”
Just this week:
- Ran updates
- Created three GIS layers
- Troubleshot a weird bug in some app we barely use
- Helped someone reset their email… again
- Hosted a Zoom meeting where nobody turned their mic off, ever
- AND got voluntold to take meeting notes because “you’re already in front of a computer”
If I had a dollar for every hat I wear, I could fund my own IT department. But here I am — budget: $3.45 and a slightly working printer.
To my fellow solo warriors:
You are not alone.
Well… technically you are. But spiritually? We are legion.
One-person IT armies. GIS rebels. Server sages. Zoom bouncers. Digital therapists.
We fight alone.
We patch alone.
We make maps, fix emails, secure the network, and host the dang virtual meeting — alone.
And somehow, we’re still standing.
(…Mostly because our chair is broken and we don’t have budget for a new one.)