Let me just say it loud and awkward:
I want to be a network and cybersecurity engineer.
I want to design resilient systems, stop intrusions, debug failed packets like Sherlock Holmes in a hoodie, and make sense of chaos.
But right now? I’m just trying to make sense of my own voice on video.
You see, I don’t do videos.
Not because I’m shy (okay, maybe a little), not because I have nothing to say, but because…
I stutter. I freeze. I have an accent.
And English? Not my first language. That combo makes the camera feel like a hostile firewall blocking all my confidence packets.
My Thoughts Are Fluent. My Mouth? Not So Much.
When I write, I feel strong. Smart. Clear.
When I speak? It’s a little like:
“S-s-s-so… um… the, uh… wait… how do I say—wait, wait… okay let me restart…”
And don’t get me started on how I sound.
I know I have an accent. I hear it in every voice recording. I worry that people won’t understand me, or worse—that they’ll misunderstand me.
Sometimes I feel like I’m pinging the world and just getting “Request Timed Out.”
But I’m Still Showing Up
Here’s the thing:
I may not speak smoothly—yet.
I may not sound “native.”
But I know what I’m talking about.
I’m learning, building, testing networks, writing about security, and setting goals.
Just because I speak differently doesn’t mean I don’t belong.
I’m not less smart—just less fluent.
And that’s a language issue, not a talent issue.
So Why Writing?
Because writing gives me space.
It lets me explain things without pressure.
It’s how I process deep networking topics, explore cybersecurity concepts, and share my journey without the anxiety of how I sound.
Think of it like SSH access: clean, controlled, no noise.
Talking on video? That’s like yelling commands into a thunderstorm.
But I’m Not Hiding
I know I need to speak more.
I know that one day, I’ll have to talk through a network diagram, explain a pen test, or give a presentation on zero-trust architecture—and not sound like I’m dodging verbal landmines.
So I’m working on it. Slowly.
Practicing. Reading my blogs out loud. Maybe recording short clips to myself.
Because like subnetting, confidence comes in increments.
Until Then…
I’ll keep writing.
I’ll keep learning.
I’ll keep building the skills that make me a future-ready network and cybersecurity engineer.
And when I do speak publicly, stutters and accent included—I’ll be doing it as someone who didn’t let fear mute their message.
Because even if I don’t sound “perfect,”
I know what I’m talking about.